Are you stuck and unable to move forward?
You may see small success along the way, but something holds you back.
Maybe you don’t feel ready, so you take class after class before starting. Who are you to call yourself an expert anyway?
Perhaps you are nervous that you won’t be successful.
The industry is already saturated. How are you unique?
Maybe you even fear success. How will your life be different if this works well? Will you lose close connections to the important people around you?
Or you may be afraid of the responsibility and pressures of success or even being in the public eye.
It seems stressful, and what if you fail?
With all of these questions swirling, you stop yourself from diving in.
And so you stay stagnant treading water, wrapped in your tattered safety blanket knit with patterns that no longer serve you.
So, how do you move forward?
Step 1: Who are you anyway?
It is essential to understand why you are struggling in the first place.
You may be so attached to your current self-image that taking steps forward would shatter your definition of who you are.
If you struggle to make changes that could improve your life, your old story may be holding you back.
You are likely unaware of these deep subconscious patterns, but it is crucial to understand your self-perception as it controls what you believe and how you relate to the world around you.
Here are some examples:
Does being a great partner and mom mean you cannot also have a successful career? If you can’t keep up with demands, you may not create the time to get your business priorities in order.
Do you feel that you have to do everything on your own to succeed? Or that success needs to be hard? Perhaps you won’t seek the support you need, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Do you think you are already a failure? You also will prove that this is true over and over again.
It may seem counterintuitive, but you can even become attached to your painful thoughts because they are familiar.
An excellent illustration is a woman with emphysema who needs to quit smoking. Despite hearing this news, she cannot comply with the doctor’s orders. It seems so easy for her to make this evident shift, yet she identifies herself as “a smoker” on the deepest level, so she refuses to quit.
Take some time to reflect on how you relate to your identity.
What are your current roles, and how do they shape who you are?
Are you a business owner? A team member? Wife? Mother? Sister? Daughter?
How does each role dictate how you show up in the world?
If you find yourself giving your role a great deal of attention, it is an indicator that it holds some weight. Does it give you a sense of purpose or make you feel necessary in some way?
Step 2: How does staying in this role serve you?
Any time you hold on to old identities or patterns, it is helping you somehow. It may seem hard to believe, especially when the current situation is unfavorable; however, it always has benefits. You would not hold on to something unless it helps you in some way.
Ask yourself, how does holding on to this story serve me right now?
Does not succeeding in your business allow you to stay small?
Does staying in your 9-5 keep you in the identity of being stable by having a steady income? Or does it keep you in the position of being needed or being essential?
Or perhaps whatever you are holding onto stops you from really being happy because you don’t think you deserve success.
What are you avoiding or afraid to feel? Does it keep you from feeling pressured? Are you afraid you can’t handle it?
Most importantly, what is the story you tell yourself about having this role?
Here is a great personal example:
Over the past seventeen years, I had the pleasure of building and scaling a global team of over sixty artists. It had been part of my life for so long that it became an integral piece of my identity.
So when given a tremendous new opportunity I had wanted, I felt enormous resistance, which logically did not make sense.
It felt like I was holding on to a backpack full of rocks so tightly, and each time the opportunity arose, I firmly gripped the bag, refusing to release it.
Staying in this role served me because I love my team, and it was an essential role, so it felt good being safe and “necessary.”
With this incredible opportunity in front of me, the bag became an enormous load weighing me down, preventing me from excelling in my future, yet I could not let it go.
I needed to shift my definition of who I am to shape my new identity so that I could dive into this new future.
So ask yourself, what is in your backpack full of rocks, and why are you holding on so tightly?
Step 3: Who do you want to be instead?
Once you identify your story, ask yourself, is this who you want to be?
Until you change your identity, you will not be successful.
If your identity is a thermostat where you feel comfortable at 69 degrees, you will always want to keep the temperature at that level.
Let’s say your 69 degrees means that you make $5k a month.
If you turn your thermostat down to 58 degrees and make $1k for a couple of months, you will soon turn up the heat so that you make $5k because you identify with being someone who makes this exact income.
On the other hand, if you have a super successful few months and make $10k a month, the thermostat reads 105 degrees. Since you identify with yourself at 69 degrees, eventually, you will lose your drive, the heater will shut off, and the air conditioning will kick in. You will self-sabotage and wind up exactly where you started.
It’s crucial to create your new identity so that you can turn up the thermostat and feel comfortable there.
So ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?”
If you could create anything for yourself, what would that be?
As you visualize your new identity, you may embrace new characteristics while letting go of others that no longer serve you.
Use this opportunity to reflect on who you want to become.
What roles do you wish to play? What qualities do you want to embrace?
What will you create in your life?
Step 4: Accept & let go.
Once you have created your vision, it is time to accept both versions of yourself to let go.
The first step is to accept what is. Compassionately forgive yourself for staying in this situation by thanking your story for protecting you and keeping you safe all this time.
Then, let go of what no longer serves you. You cannot create something new without making space first.
What do you need to let go of to allow yourself to level up?
What beliefs, patterns, and fears do you need to release to enable you to embrace change and success?
How will letting go of that backpack full of rocks create a new future of possibility and freedom? Tap into the vision you created in Step 3.
It is time to make space for new opportunities and take the leap into your exciting future.
Step 5: Decide to change.
Remember that creating a new identity is the only way to instill lasting change. Decide that this is who you are.
Once you make a decision, there is no going back. If you tell yourself you don’t smoke, that is different from saying, I am trying to quit.
First, change your language. When making a change, you may say things like, “I am quitting smoking.” Shifting your language to “I don’t smoke” will remove the option and will be game-changing.
Next, it may be helpful to create a no-list of activities that no longer serve you so that it is easier for you to make micro-decisions because it is non-negotiable.
Are there certain habits you have currently that you no longer permit? Does being successful mean that you no longer press snooze in the morning, or you no longer eat a tub of popcorn while binging on Netflix?
Conversely, you may want to make a yes-list for new habits that are also non-negotiable?
Do you say yes to all speaking opportunities presented?
Do you now say yes to posting on social media? What is on your yes list?
Last, creating a reward system can be helpful as well. What reward system can you develop to reinforce your new identity? Are there any patterns, behaviors, or thoughts you want to reward? How can you celebrate?
Pro Tip: It can be a great idea to write in a journal daily to recognize your progress towards your success each day! You can often overlook the small wins, so make sure to acknowledge yourself!
Recap:
Feeling stuck may be a good indicator that you harbor conflicting beliefs within your subconscious, preventing you from moving forward. Understanding your story to create a new, improved identity and outcome is essential.
Step 1: Who are you anyway?
Step 2: How does staying in this role serve you?
Step 3: Who do you want to be instead?
Step 4: Accept & let go.
Step 5: Decide to change.
It can feel scary to dive in, but once you let go of that backpack full of rocks, you will realize you are ready to swim.
If you would like help getting unstuck to create a successful business action plan for 2022, Book a Free Discovery Call Here.
I look forward to hearing what discoveries you make along the way.
Michele x
