Are you caught in a pattern of saying yes when you really mean no?
Perhaps you know what you want, yet your constant people-pleasing gets in the way.
Or maybe you don’t even consider your needs in the first place.
In either case, you consistently feel drained.
Navigating relationships can be challenging, yet it is essential to set healthy boundaries for an enjoyable and successful life and business.
First, what’s going on here?
If you have ever felt discomfort when communicating your needs, you may be struggling with setting boundaries.
Take a moment and imagine driving near a cliff edge. The road is narrow and filled with sharp twists and turns; however, despite the apparent danger, you feel safe because there is a guard rail.
Your boundaries are like guard rails, keeping you from veering off the cliff. These guidelines allow you to value and care for yourself and others with honesty and transparency.
How does that work?
Imagine you are in a relationship where the other person consistently keeps their actual needs hidden, and you never know what they truly want.
How can you authentically connect if you don’t understand how they feel?
Do you trust them? The answer is no. You cannot develop trust if someone tells you only what you want to hear versus the actual truth.
The same applies to you. Expressing boundaries allows honesty, transparency, and openness to build authentic connections.
So what can you do to establish clear communication so you can thrive?
Step 1: Honestly reflect
As a female entrepreneur, you will navigate many relationships, including personal (family, friends, romantic) and business (clients, vendors, employees).
First, reflect on your current relationships by listing all the important people in your personal and business life. Start with key interactions and then expand from there.
For each relationship ask yourself:
1. What is the current dynamic, and how does it feel?
2. What is working well? What fills you with energy in this relationship?
3. What drains you? What would you like to change?
Step 2: Create your ideal
Now imagine what you would need to create a better relationship that feels good?
If the relationship is draining or not working well, how could you make this work better for you?
And how would you like to expand what is working well to fill you with energy?
Can you improve your good experiences while eliminating what no longer serves you?
If the relationship feels toxic, perhaps it’s time to let it go. It can be challenging, especially with long-term relationships or family members, so be gentle with yourself. If you cannot avoid specific interactions, can you limit your relationship somehow?
Establishing clear business boundaries is also essential to protect relationships with your clients, connections, and employees. Setting guidelines and limits will provide balance, structure, and mutual respect.
Consider the following points when setting up your professional relationships for success:
Business vs. friendship:
Having clients as friends can be tricky. Each relationship has its boundaries, which can create discomfort if you are unsure where to draw the line.
How can you establish a situation that feels comfortable for both of you?
Time:
You may feel flexible or rigid around meetings, deadlines, and other timelines. What is your view? Are you willing to stretch appointments if needed, or do you start and end on time? Do you respect your time and the time of others?
Perhaps you feel frustrated that your clients constantly show up late, cancel or reschedule. What expectations have you set regarding your availability or response time? Have you clearly communicated your policy?
Money:
If someone wants to bargain or misses payments, you may not have set clear boundaries.
Outline payment conditions with a specific structure, including well-defined terms and conditions, payment plan options, discount, and refund policy.
Step 3: Nonnegotiables
After outlining your ideal relationship, solidify what you will and won’t tolerate by determining whether this is a request or a requirement. A request is a “nice to have” where you want this to happen; however, it is not a deal-breaker. A requirement is nonnegotiable. You are willing to end the relationship if it continues.
Sometimes you can confuse the two by pretending it is a request when it’s a requirement. Get clear on what you are willing to live with versus what you cannot tolerate.
Step 4: Openly communicate
It is normal to feel uncomfortable communicating your needs, especially if you are not used to expressing your boundaries. Practice patience with yourself as you learn this new skill. It’s okay to say no.
Ground yourself
Before approaching an uncomfortable conversation, make sure you feel as grounded as possible to help ease the conversation.
Grounding exercise:
Get into a quiet place. If possible, be in nature (earth or water). Imagine yourself in a bubble of light with your feet growing roots into the ground.
Place your hand on your heart and practice box breathing by breathing in for four counts, holding your breath for four counts, breathing out for four counts, and holding your breath for four counts.
Acknowledge and validate what you are feeling quietly or out loud. Example “It makes sense that I feel x way. It is normal.”
Ask yourself what you need at this moment to create what is best for you and the other person’s highest good while sending the other person loving energy.
Loving mirror
It’s crucial that both parties feel seen and heard. Create a loving, collaborative space by communicating your needs as an invitation versus an obligation.
Stay in your own lane by sticking to “I” language while avoiding the word “you,” as it can often feel like finger-pointing.
Ex: “I feel x when..”
Honor the other person’s right to have feelings (that you may not agree with or like).
Everyone has a right to their feelings and the right to change or not change, including you.
Pro Tip: It’s best to state boundaries up front whenever possible. Create a clear contract in all business relationships to assure each party knows what to expect and when. Communicate as quickly as possible when a boundary is crossed.
Step 5: Handle resistance
People generally struggle to adapt to change, so if you have not shared your needs in the past, this may take time for adjustment. Be prepared for some pushback when there are changes in your relationship.
When faced with resistance, keep an open heart by remembering that your feelings are valid and you are worth it.
Continue acknowledging and honoring their feelings while staying grounded in your own.
If necessary, gather your thoughts by taking a break from the conversation, cool down, and get back to it later.
Remember, progress is perfection. It will be uncomfortable at first, so be patient.
Example: “I understand that this is challenging for you to hear, and you feel angry. It would be helpful for me to have space right now to process this. Can we connect tomorrow to discuss this further?”
After clearly communicating your needs, the other person may continue to cross your boundary.
If you have expressed your needs and they refuse to hear you or continue to violate the boundary despite you letting them know, reinforce your position.
Assess if you have clearly expressed your needs to them. If an agreement is in place and they violate your limits, be willing to protect your energy. If you have an outlined understanding, activate the appropriate consequence, and if they continue to cross the line, strongly consider letting them go.
Continue to check in with yourself when you feel resistance by asking the simple question: Does this feel good? If the answer is no, it’s time to create a new boundary.
Recap:
Setting boundaries is essential to creating a healthy and prosperous life and business. Reflect on your relationships, understand what you want versus what you will not tolerate, and then openly communicate your needs.
Step 1: Honestly reflect
Step 2: Create your ideal
Step 3: Nonnegotiables
Step 4: Openly communicate
Step 5: Handle resistance
Continue to maintain healthy boundaries as progress is perfection.
I look forward to you creating the life and business you love with ease.
Michele x
If you need help creating an aligned vision by creating a step-by-step strategy you can stick with, email me the word PROGRAM.
