I just found out that I have a small brain tumor.
So yeah, you can imagine my surprise.
And I had to wait for three very long weeks to find out my fate.
But despite going through this, I still wanted to show up for myself, my clients, my business, and the community.
So okay, what does this have to do with you?
Well, first, don’t panic. I am fine.
It turns out that this tiny blip has been there forever and is a 99.9% worry-free event.
Although you will hopefully not have this same situation, you will face other challenges where you are stressed, overwhelmed, or even panicked.
At these times, it may feel unmanageable, and you may want to give up.
I want to gently remind you that you do have a choice in how you feel and react in any circumstance.
So given my example, yes, it was scary. (I am human.)
I could have made many choices.
I could have curled into a ball and given up.
I could have sold all of my belongings and gone to Mexico because I felt like what’s the point (honestly, that was on my mind).
I explored a lot of different options.
But instead, I decided to allow myself to be in the moment, creating a much better outcome.
So when there are challenges, and you want to run away, give up, or even just want to feel better, here are some steps that may help you have an improved experience.
Step 1: Identify your emotions
On average, humans experience around 34,000 emotions stemming from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day.
With so many emotions, it can be challenging to navigate your feelings. Additionally, when you have intense feelings during a crisis or an obstacle, your mind also operates from a “fight or flight” response, creating even more confusion and overwhelm. (Watkins, 2014)
The good news is that there are only eight primary emotions:
- joy
- sadness
- acceptance
- disgust
- fear
- anger
- surprise
- anticipation.
(Pollack, 2016).
Why is this good news?
Using the wheel of emotions, you can more easily identify your primary emotions and then narrow down your feelings further from there.
Ask yourself:
- What feelings am I aware of having?
- What is the most prominent feeling?
- When did I become aware of this feeling?
Next, what are the causes of this?
- What might be triggering this feeling?
- What’s happening (or not happening) in my daily life?
Once identified, state your emotions out loud to solidify how you feel.
Example: “I feel overwhelmed. I feel nervous. I feel stuck.”
Pro tip: If you struggle to identify your emotions, connection with your body may help.
Close your eyes and notice what is happening in your body. Do you feel tense or relaxed?
Where do you feel anxious, and how does that feel?
Step 2: Accept your current state
After identifying your emotions, the next step is acceptance. When upset, you may often judge it, ignore it, push it away, or even bottle it up inside.
It’s important to acknowledge that all emotions are valid, and anything you are feeling is all right.
By accepting your emotions, you disarm them, and in turn, they become much less powerful.
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions without judgment. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and acknowledge that you have the right to feel the way you do.
If you need to cry, it’s okay too. Just feel whatever you feel and allow your emotions to release without judgment. The more you accept and feel your feelings, the less power they hold.
Also, keep in mind that different emotions will rise and fall like ocean waves. This too shall pass.
If you are working through grief, be gentle with yourself. Grief is a process and takes time. Be kind, patient, and understanding. Know that it is normal and however you are feeling is all right.
Step 3: Change your physiology & focus
Once you have identified your emotions and begin to allow and accept them, it’s time to choose differently.
Close your eyes and imagine that you have a ripe bright yellow juicy lemon in your preferred hand.
Feel the weight of the lemon as you jiggle your hand.
With your thumb, stroke the skin and notice the little dimples on the surface. Feeling the weight of the lemon in your hand, bring it up to your nose and smell.
With a sharp knife, cut the lemon in half and see the beads of juice spring out from it.
Now imagine biting into this lemon and sucking hard.
Do you feel your mouth salivating? Did you wince?
So what does this lemon have to do with your emotions?
Did imagining the lemon create a new emotional experience? If it did, you could undoubtedly succeed in changing your emotional state.
The good news is that you have a choice of how long you are willing to experience your negative emotions. You can even set a timer for how long you will allow yourself to stay in a negative state. (Note: this does not apply to grief as that takes more time to process)
So great, how?
1. Change Your Physiology:
An easy way to change your emotions is to change your physiology.
Imagine a person who is depressed.
What do you imagine?
What is their posture?
You most likely imagine them slouched over with lousy posture frowning and looking down at the ground, right?
So I invite you to stand up without anything in your hands.
Turn in your toes, let your shoulders and posture slump, look down at the floor, and say out loud in a sad, resigned voice, “I will never be able to do this” over and over again.
How do you feel? Depressed right?
Now shake it out.
Stand up again and tense every muscle in your body. Raise your hands in the air, clench your fists while rolling your eyes into the top of your head and say “yes yes yes yes yes” for about one minute.
How do you feel? I’m sure you no longer feel depressed. You probably feel energized.
By changing your physiology, you can change your emotional state more quickly. Dancing, laughing, exercising, or moving can rapidly shift your emotions to a more positive state.
Another great way to change your physiology is Box Breathing. Take a moment to pause and check-in with yourself and place your hand over your heart which instantly calms your parasympathetic nervous system.
Next, take a deep breath in for four counts.
Hold your breath for four counts.
Breathe out for four counts.
And hold your breath for four counts.
Practice this method until you feel more centered.
Check out more tips in this article, 57 Tips to Ease Overwhelm.
2. Focus:
After identifying your current negative emotional state and changing your physiology, it’s time to create something new.
You have identified how you feel and what you don’t want, now ask yourself what you do want. How would you like to feel instead? If needed, use the wheel of emotions to help find a new, more positive feeling that resonates with you.
Last, make sure you write it down as if it has happened. “I am x” “It is y.”
Example: How you feel now (what you don’t want)
“I feel scared.”
New Feeling: How you want to feel (what you do want)
“I feel grounded.”
Next, write 3-4 thoughts you currently believe are closely aligned to the new emotion you would like.
It is essential to believe in what you are writing, so find something that you already think is true and start shifting your feelings towards that. Reach for something you connect to and try to be as specific as possible.
Ask yourself: What is going right? What is working?
Example:
Find something you currently believe close to “I feel grounded.”
“I enjoy a life that is grounded. I enjoy taking things slow. I enjoy being in the moment. I find waiting gives me time to create something new.”
Next, try to be as specific as possible:
“I am so lucky to have patience while I wait. It allows me to re-evaluate what I am doing right now. I love being patient. When I am patient, I feel good and connected. I love being connected and grounded.”
Before you know it, you will continue to write, shifting to a more positive mindset.
Recap:
When facing any challenge or obstacle, you can shift your emotional state to create an improved overall experience.
By following the steps outlined, you can better understand your feelings, accept your emotions, and create a more positive mindset.
Step 1: Identify your emotions
Step 2: Accept your emotions
Step 3: Change your physiology & focus
If you would like help getting unstuck to create a business action plan for 2022, Book a Free Discovery Call Here.
I am looking forward to hearing from you!
Michele x
